She overwhelmed me in an instant!

I was at church choir practice. One of the sopranos got a text from her very pregnant daughter. Finally the baby was on his way! She was beaming with excited anticipation and joy.

We were singing Psalm 25 and I could barely get the words out as I fought back sudden tears. My friend’s happy news pinched a vacant sad spot in my heart. I don’t have a child, so I will never know what it’s like to be a grandmother.

Seems like all my friends are becoming grandparents now. It’s one of those things that people look forward to as a reward to a long life. Same goes for a comfortable retirement with good health and time to travel.

To you, O Lord, I lift my soul. Lord make me know your ways. Teach me your paths and keep me in the way of your truth, for you are God, my savior.

Being married to someone who is chronically-ill means that sort of happy future will not be mine, and I suddenly felt a pang of self-pity. It didn’t last long as I remembered others facing greater trials:

The recent widow whose 68 year-old husband died suddenly three weeks ago.
The man with a mysterious and still undiagnosed illness. He went from a vibrant 60 year-old who was looking forward to a European vacation to an unresponsive ICU patient in two months’ time.
Another man who was doing tests for an elective surgery and learned of a probable malignant tumor.
To the ones who seek the Lord, who look to God’s word who live God’s love, God will always be near and will show them mercy.

May God grant me mercy for my jealousy and self-pity over the loss of my imaginary future. May he be near to those who mourn, those who are devastated by inexplicable sorrows, and those who are fearful and in pain. May he guard my friend’s growing family and bless them abundantly

#jealousy, #disappointment,#trials,#suffering,#sorrow, #psalm25